Mother's day

Mother's day is always slightly sad day for me, as I am a mum. But all my kid's are in heaven, as I miscarried in every pregnancy I have had.

But also there is joy, so much joy. 1- I am a mum and no one can take that away from me.
                                                       2- I am a Christan who believes in heaven, and I know I will see my
                                                            Kids.

But because people can't see my kids, they assume we don't have any, If you go to church you know the drill, It's mother's day so the leaders like to honour the mums ( the same for dads on fathers day).

Great, so all the women get flowers, apart from the women who either have chosen not to have kids, not at the stage of quite being old enough to have kids, newly weds ect. Those who can't have any or those who kids are in heaven. and boy oh boy at this time of year do us in these categories stand out, we're the only poor women that don't get any, we stand out like sore thumbs. Theres no honour in this.

Did any one think that which ever category you are in, you are probably spiritual parents to a lot of those kids in the church, in your life and should deserve that flower.

Our old church Kings Way Sale Manchester are an honouring church, they try to honour everyone and when it came to mothers day, the first year we went, some one came up to me and said don't worry you will get the flower. ( I lie in this instance I think it was a cake but it means the same)

As the kids handed out to women in the church one blessed youngster was pointed my way and gave me a flower/cake.

Yes I felt honoured, and yes it was the best mothers day I have ever had.

Don't get me wrong Dean normally marks the occasion with a little gesture.

But this year was different as this year my mum isn't with us, she died back in October. It was way harder than I ever imagined, now not even having the day to send a card, or just to say happy mother's day.

My lovely sister I knew would struggle with this too, she was and is a mummy's girl, through and through.

I think we didn't really talk to much about it, coz neither of us really knew what to say to the other, apart from didn't expect this to be so hard !!

I have had a brain problem lately when some one asked me my kids name's. Yes we named our kids, as they are children, not all of them we got to see, but one we did, he was a boy, he had all his fingers and toes, everything was in the right place, and I wasn't that far along. In honouring and acknowledge that they were children, our children, we named them.
You see I am a bad mum, I couldn't remember one of the names, I really couldn't. We didn't know all the sex of the kids apart from 1 and that was Gabriel.
It took me till 2 am in the morning when I remembered, oh yes, it's a special name for us as we love Eddie Stobart and we collect the names and this name was on one of the lorries.

Right I'm feeling confident, I shall introduce my kids and there names. Oh and I am not a bad mum, just a forgetful brain, there is no condemnation in Jesus Christ, He forgives us and loves us.

so we have
May
Gabriel
Emmie ( the Eddie truck)
Reuben
Sarah
Abraham
Issac
Esther

We may have lost more kids than we know but we don't beat ourselves up about this, that they do not have names, and if we're talking about our kids we often just mention Gabriel. Not coz he's more important coz he's not, we just got to see him, these names are in the Spirit of what they mean and that is a baby is a baby. At any age! Do you know that because we had miscarried alot we got to have early scans, and these are so special because we got or hoped to see the whole journey of the babies life. It didn't happen for us but it was amazing seeing that heart beat at six/seven week's pregnant, a heart beat of life of a baby. If there is no heart beat they say we are dead, gone, but at six/ seven weeks pregnant there's a heart beat life , Life , life.

I guess people probably think we do not have the Faith for a full term pregnancy, that once you think you haven't done it, it's never going to happen. We are not like that. We are also very happy and pleased when our friends and family welcome another addition to there families.

But my faith was built up a ot last year, by a girl I had never met. She, like me, had had several miscarriages, and we had spoken, a few times online about this, till a day came when she told me she was pregnant, I was so overjoyed by the news. I shared her joy and the fact of being a little scared of having to go thought his again, it's a normall thing.

I felt the Lord say to support and pray for this lovely lady, and that's what I did, and I'm sure lots and lots of other people, but if there was a problem I prayed, if she needed to talk just to message me, if there was a fear we would chat, pray straight away.
And she was so wonderful, to say if any time I couldn't cope I was to stop. But I was able to say the Lord told me Ill be fine to do this, so I will.
And thank the Lord she had a healthy baby girl, and my Faith levels rose so much.
I thank her for letting me pray to the Lord for her, it was such a blessing, and I thank her for letting the Lord give him the chance to raise my Faith levels through her. Thank you lovely and what a beautiful baby you have...

other news to say Congratulations to A and M on baby number 4. Well done guys, lots of love...

Well best get on, see ya x