Break through! reflection before hk

There are lots of thing's I need a break though on!

Long before Mum started to go down hill,and Hong Kong was just a dream in the sense of going there. ( In the spiritual way we had not just been there, we had been apart of the church, listening to sermons, emailing the people there,)
I have always had a thing about heights, going up high has been some thing I haven't liked, as a kid going on the umberellas, was a huge thing for me. ( Hi Nichola, Jenny, will not name, names why I even went on them lol)

Kowing everything in Hong Kong is up high!!


As I have got older it's got worse, to the last year going around shops that have a mezzanine floor, like tesco ect . I would have to walk far away from the edge.  Best photo I could find to show how high they are :)

So I decided enough is enough, and prayed for healing! Yes Healing in this area. It was crippling me, because all the good places are up high :)

So we asked Father to please deal with this, and spoke to my body to come inline with what the Father wanted me to be like! (ie not afraid of heights) and that was not some one who could not get on a escalator, without some stranger grabbing my arm and dragging me on to it, saying it's ok dear (normally this would be a lovely lady of about 85), and it should be me helping her, how embarrassed I was at the time, with these ladies helping, But on reflection how blessed I was!

I can't say there was a great big flash of lightning, and wham it was gone!! sorry to disappoint!! But I felt a sense of peace I knew I had been healed! :).

 So then we went shopping and I stood  on the edge of the mezzanine floor and knowing I had been healed, looking over the edge it felt better I still felt a little nervous but I looked over, I walked around, I wasn't going to let the little person on my shoulder whisper in my ear that I felt a little scared NO NO !

So we both were chuffed, another step of healing which will change our lives for ever!

 

Mum, Dean and I at trafford center when we first moved in together.

Well about 2 months later we lost our mum. I think it will take a while to recover from losing her, on the outside I proberley look like im doing great, ( or to friends and family) worrying I'm coping to well!

 The werid thing is I think at the begining I was absolutely doing ok,  I was sad, I lost my mum, my friend. There was no relief like I thought there would be, probably a bit now three monthes on.

But the realisation that for three years all I had done was look after mum, a little bit of church, and I didn't go very far, apart from hospitals, and looking after my sister by phone. I am very good at looking after people :)  I have totel confidence in what I am doing, and probably could talk around anyone who was having a really bad day ( ask Jenny , if she says diffrent im not getting the internet lol Joking jenny love you xx)

But the thought of going out talking to new people or old, going shopping on my own was a problem I didn't realise. Don't get me wrong I thrived to drive and go to shop's on my own, but actually the confidence was going and the thought of getting on a bus or taxi on my own and having to speak was terrifying. I know this because earlier last year I had been poorly and had to have an ECG and scans done, I was beathless and looking terrible, Dean had arranged a taxi there, so that was fine but I walked home ( I know , I know ) I could not get on the bus or taxi coz I would have to ask how to get the right one lol , Im laughing coz it sounds ridiculous but it was true, and not funny at all! But one must be able to laugh at ones self to move on !...( oh don't tell Dean that story ) whoops he will read it Love you x


So skip a few weeks and Dean was going to London to do a tefl course, and I was to be deposited at Eileen and Mervs ( hi ) , don't get me wrong I love spending time with Dean's parent's, we have fun, Eileen and I would have probably crafted. so it would have been great. But the underlying thing was that if I went to London , what would I do with myself for 2 days on my own,  Dean would worry about me , and I would probably stay in the room for 2 days. ( no one said this, it was just expected)
So I said rather child like I want to go to Lndon! Dean said " don't think it's a good idea, I would be worred " ( and he was right, he would and then he would be able to concentrate on his course ) So I prayed about it , the reason I wanted to go to London was that I felt it was what I needed to get my confidence back, because in 2 months time we went to Hong Kong, I would need to be able to get on !
So again I said "Dean I'm coming to London", more confidently," I need to do this, I will be fine" . "ok, we shall talk about it". By the next day Dean Said " yes you're coming to London, because if you couldn't do it you would not have asked, you would have gone to mum and dads".
I have to say relief to be going and absolute fear, came over me, so I spent a week praying and telling myself you can do this, of course I won't be going  on the underground now that would be silly, (as normally I hide my head in Dean's back because of the height , but I had to tell myself I had been healed )

So we got to London, nice clean hotel, right on Kensington park.
The next morning Dean went to the course, with the understanding to do as I pleased, if that meant I wanted to stay in the room that was fine :)
So I lazerly did spend most of the morning reading a book, and about 11 o'clock, I left the hotel, not sure what direction to take.  A walk in the park would be nice and I wanted to go to the Royal Albert museam, so whle I was walking I rang Jenny to tell her, I'm great and was I'm walking in the right direction. which I was yea !! then a ring to Eileen to let her know we were fine to.
( The path way to the park)

The park was beautiful, with mums pushing their prams , joggers, etc. after I made it to the otherside I had a lovely walk around the Royal Albert, I was quite facinated with everything I saw. It was so peaceful and so enjoyable doing it on my own, no one to please but me. Not in a selfish way, it just reminded me how comfortable I am in my own company.


Then the thing we hate when we have the most comfy new shoes on happens, they start rubbing, and in a short while my toe was bleeding :( I leave and seam to walk miles to try and buy a pair of shoes?  yes I only took one pair! yes I know thats not like me, and yes I was felling fine ?! lol, so my quest for shoes walked me past harrods, where I bought my first christmas prezzy, in there market place for the lovely sSteve and Julie xhix . and then text Dean to say I bought our first xmas prezzy in harrods and now off buying shoes!! As you can imagine as soon as he had a break he checked in to see that i hadn,t lost my mind, shopping in harrods lol..

Well after lots of walking I find primark in Oxford street, well think of it on its buisest day u can think of and X it by 10, any way I found shoes, yea, I needed soft comfy shoes, which is always a problem. Now I never understood the ugg boot, they to me look terrible, but in desperation I put a pair on , wow, wow, so comfy I still think they look ugly and silly but I get it lol, so with proudly comfy shoes, we carried on, to walk but through the park to our hotel, on the way I came across speakers corner, ohh it only happens on a sunday , so I planned following day, walk around the outside of the park and look at all the painting that will be for sale tomorrow, then to speakers corner, then covent gardens!,

So the following day I went to speakers corner, telling myself I would mind my own buisness, didn't have the confidence to get involved, just was interested. So, I strolled around the park on my own!! looking at paintings, so amazing never seen London so appealing!
Then I got to speakers corner, smaller than I thought it would be, there must have been 10-12 people shouting there opinions, which was interesting, they ranged from werid Chrstian points of view through to muslims, people talking about slavery and others about how bad England is( have to say they still living here , just a thought), and lots of others in between, I have to say no one was giving a good Christain message, no one talking about Grace!. One lady called the whole crowd stupid because they wern't listening to her, to be fair I didn't have a clue what she was talking about as she said very little!!! so i was about to leave as I didn't have the confidence to join in ha ha..so this lady from the salvation army I think was preaching so i went to listen to her then i would go !!! I couldnt hear what she was saying as there was two men talking, one who was a Chirstian, and one who was not.
I tried to move away from there conversation, and listen to the lady, but God had other plans , oh yes !!! so the Chritsian guy says why don't you believe in Father, and the guy responded, and then said " what do you think " they now were both looking at me!! Oh Lord give me the words, an interesting thing took place, the non Christain guy listened and talked to me, it was lovely, the Christain guy kept trying to argue with me , but i just loved him and smiled :) which i think annoyed him even more. I think it at this point the non Christain guy said I know I get to choose if i believe or not , and im not sure, and I said your right God loves you so much he gave you free will, you get to chose, well the Christain guy nearly chocked,  "you cant say that, you cant go around saying jesus loves him" !!!!???!! so I smiled and said I can, I just did , smile smile. so he went and myself and the non-Christian , stood and talked for an hour, he didn't give his life to the Lord, but he listened and said he enjoyed talking to me, and that he may go home and read his bible, and he went on his way with the comment, " look at the guy who was talking to us, hes just here for an arguement, "I  know" I said ! "He has a great theology of the bible and an intereting man really , he just has no heart of the grace", "yes i can see that" ! wow wow.

So I have my confidence back, but there was one more thing, you remmber the height thing, well I then decided the underground was the way to go , oh yes, on my own, Crowded place , not knowing my way around and very very high escalators, so I went in , got on one, for a moment I nearly backed away, then I thought , oh no I'm not these are in  Hong Kong, so I stepped on to the moving steps downward, to high, I thought I was going to faint , but felt sorry the the people further down I would squash, so I prayed, took a deep breath and did it. I prayed that I didn't want to go up one, just down, so I did it and got on the train, and every station I went to I went down the escalator, oh yes, on the way back up there was none, I mean , these stations you had to go back up the lift, so at covent gardens I had lunch on my own, which was a big thing, and strolled around. Dean was amazed and pleased, we had the old me back, Im stepping into what God has called us to do, and im ready for Hong Kong.
Sorry I have gone on so much , but you wait to hear what im doing into Hong Kong, just look on google maps how heigh the building are !!! bye all xx